Luigi Compilation
by the pick-it fence
Summary: A whole fan fiction dedicated to spoofs and knock-offs of everyone's second favorite plumber! It's the Year of Luigi, so might as well. Compilation chapters are meant to be short, chapters posted whenever I feel like it, and there is no seriousness in this whatsoever.
1. Chapter 1

**Luigi Compilation **

It was the dawn of a new day in the Mushroom Kingdom, as the terrified screams of a young damsel in distress sounded throughout the land.

Yes, Bowser was up early this time, and as we all know, the early bird gets the worm! Or, in this case, the early Koopa gets the princess…

However, these cries of fear did not go unanswered.

THERE, in the horizon, two figures stood proudly. Well, actually, one stood proudly. The taller one was trying to catch his breath.

"Let the princess go, Bowser!"

"BWAHAHAHA, NEVER! I've always despised how she's praised you, but never me! Maybe when we spend some time together, she'll figure out who the true hero is! You'll never see her again, Mario! BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!"

And, no kidnapping scene is complete without the princess helplessly screaming:

"MMMAAAARRRRIIIIOOO!"

Yeah, there it is.

Our two heroes followed after the Koopa King, but he hopped onto an airship, flying high above the kingdom and into the Dark Lands.

"Come on, Luigi! The princess won't save herself!"

Luigi inhaled deeply. "I know, but, I, just…Wait a second…"

"What?"

"The princess won't save herself? Didn't she save us that one time?"

"Yeah, but…"

"She did! So, why can't she save herself? Have you ever realized that we're sort of putting women at the lowest common denominator here? I mean, come on. She uses a parasol to attack, a frying pan to hit people, her final smash is dancing and making people fall asleep, and her greatest weapon is her butt."

"I don't…"

"If she's strong enough, she can save herself! Unless, she's only the sex symbol in this world. Just think about it. She offers you cake when you save her, but has the audience ever seen the 'cake' that she prepares?"

"Audience?"

"She could be having a secret romance with Bowser and you wouldn't know it."

"Luigi, shut up."

"But I'm making a valid point here! Peach is just weak!"

"Okay, I'm leaving."

"She never does anything really productive. And I'm starting to think that this 'cake' thing is just an innuendo."

"Goodbye, Luigi!"

"And I guess I can't complain because my final smash is dancing too."

"SHUT UP, LUIGI!"

"And I've always wondered where she pulls Toad out from. And why does he barf to attack? Does that mean that Toad is her baby?"

"THIS IS WHY YOU CAN'T HAVE NICE THINGS!"

AND SO, with our heroes off on another adventure of EPIC proportions, there is only one thing left to ask:

Just how stupid can this fan fiction get?

**Well, this is my third (?) try at a pure humor fic. And since I can't go an entire fan fiction without making some kind of innuendo or something, it'll stay T. **

**What have I just created?**


	2. Chapter 2

**Mr. L Cooks Fried Rice and Raps**

Castle Bleck was still inhabited even long after the Void was destroyed. Count Blumiere and Lady Timpani watched over the minions as they tried to cope with each other and learn to not be evil, basically. All was well.

The group learned to vote for items that they wanted or what they wanted someone to do, and this idea worked well for a couple of months…

Until it was time to decide who was going to make dinner.

"CAN I DO IT?!"

Everyone looked up at the bouncing Mr. L, waving his hand around in the air like a kindergartner eager to answer a simple question, just to be the talk of the class until nap time.

"Ah, yes. You haven't done much around here, L. Go ahead," Dimentio ordered.

Mr. L let out a victorious "Yes!" and ran into the kitchen.

"Uh, Dimmy?"

"Yes, Mimi?"

Mimi played with her ponytail. "Don't you remember the last time Mr. L cooked for us?"

"I can't say I…" He suddenly remembered last month's fried rice epidemic.

_Good morning, today we will make fried rice. Very exciting! Let's start, shall we?_

_*_Beat drop*

_Fried rice, fri-fri-fried rice *,__  
__you wanna play your cards with God and roll the dice *,__  
__weeding out the weak with agriculture educational,__  
__got me eating seeds and I ain't talking bout felatio,__  
__I'm crazy yo, got that technique stir fry chopstick Asian flow,__  
__I ain't about the oven or the microwave grills__  
__but I know a little bit about the culinary skills__  
__required,__  
__if you wanna roll with the frying pan,__  
__gotta fry with the heart of a china man,__  
__anybody got another method in the pantry can * my *__  
__this * tastes like * man__  
__now I aint no Gordon __Ramsey  
__but I make the best damn rice you pansies__  
__a guy like me came from Japan see__  
__coin slot eyes gonna drop the panties__  
__so if you want a piece of this get in line you piece of *__  
__they just keep coming back for more you'd think Jehovah's witnesses,__  
__they call me the grain man,__  
__ancient ritual praying can,__  
__help cook rice on a spiritual level for those willing and able to be the king of the table__  
__huh__  
__have some of my grain and I aint talking about the freaking headaches__  
__you get on the morning after Fridays__  
__I throw this rice like bridesmaids_

_*end*_

Dimentio froze for a second before running into the kitchen and tackling Mr. L to the ground before he possibly poisoned them all or spit some dope rhymes, yo.

* * *

**Yeah, so, uh, no comment.**

**ORIGINAL UNCENSORED VERSION - Pink Guy Cooks Fried Rice and Raps, by Filthy Frank (a.k.a. TVFilthyFrank) **


	3. Chapter 3

**Mid-L-ife Crisis Chaos**

"Forget you guys! You don't know how to have real fun!" Luigi prepared to storm off back home after a long night of doing kiddie things with Blue Toad and Red Toad.

"Well then, I guess you're going to miss the panty raid," Blue Toad smirked.

Luigi stopped. He turned around, "Panty raid?" He walked a little bit closer. "You're talking about girls, right? Girl-girls?"

Red Toad nodded.

"And you're talking about raiding their dressers for their underpants, right?"

"Oh yeah," Blue Toad said suavely.

"Well, count me in! And I'll take back what I said about you two being lame."

NOT LAME!

The three found a conveniently placed ladder off-screen and lined it up with a nearby window. "Follow us, old man. We're panty professionals!" Blue Toad was the first one in.

"We score here all the time." Red Toad dove in.

The three tip-toed through the dark room, giggling. Luigi found the dresser and whispered, "Jackpot."

"Frilly things!" Red Toad cried from the side of the drawer.

The light suddenly turned on and Luigi fell to the ground. Princess Peach stood above him, holding a frying pan. "I know that someone was stealing my stuff!"

Red Toad and Blue Toad ran out of the room. Peach picked up Luigi and whispered in a song-like voice, "Wait 'till Mario hears this one!"

* * *

**So, I need to start coming up with my own material, and I'm going to hate myself in the morning for posting this stuff. **

**Like, what was I thinking? I guess I wasn't.**

**Go ahead and follow or favorite if you like this stuff! I'm taking a risk and trying to be more funny or humorous, although my humor has never been kid-friendly. I freaking TRY.**

**I'm just going to wait here until C.U. or the Eliminator comes along and takes down my entire account for using musics. *tick tock* **


End file.
